Talk this way.

I used to get confused when I’d spend time around my dad and he’d change the way he talked. But it happened all the time.

My dad’s a businessman.

When he’d be on business calls, he’d talk like a ‘businessman’.

My dad grew up in the country.

When he’d talk to his family from the country, he’d talk with a bit of a country twang.

My dad gets his clothes dry cleaned.

When he’d talk to the women who worked at the dry cleaner, he talked to them like they were the most important women on earth.

When he was around his friends, he’d talk in an altogether different way.

You get the point.

When I was young, I never understood this behavior. I’d think, why can’t he just talk the way he talks to me when he talks to these different groups of people?

I knew there must’ve been a reason but it was never clear. I’d sit in the backseat of the car and carefully listen to his phone conversations.

As I grew older, for a period of time, I grew to despise this behavior. I thought, by doing this, he was being fake. Fundamentally altering who he was as a person.

But I’ve changed my perspective.

In fact, just the other day, one of my dear friends who also happens to be a coworker of mine pointed out similar behavior that she sees in me.

This coworker hails from Oaxaca de Juarez, Mexico. Spanish is her first language but she speaks English with fluency. She’s one of the most intelligent people I know.

This whole conversation came about because a group of Spanish speaking immigrants came into the restaurant where she and I work and when this happens, my friend never has a problem translating the menu and answering any questions they have. She’s happy to give recommendations and tips she knows a Spanish speaker would want.

After helping them order, I approached her in the kitchen.

I asked her if, through the brief conversation she had with the group, she knew where they were from based on their dialect.

She said no. Nothing about their dialect gave away where they were from.

I asked if regional dialects exist in Mexico the way they exist in the United States. I told her how, if I were to travel in Europe and cross paths with someone from, say, Boston, I’d be able to tell in an instant because of the region specific dialect that people from Boston speak with. Same goes for people with a southern drawl.

My friend said yes, regional dialects exist in Mexico but not everywhere.

In the same way it’d be difficult for me to tell the difference between the way a person from Cleveland, Ohio and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania speak, she said the same applies in Mexico.

It’s hard to determine a region based on dialect for most of the country. However, distinct dialects do exist in hyper-specific regions like Mexico City, Mexico.

I’ve noticed you speak differently with me than you do with other groups of people around here, she said.

Shocked at her acknowledgment, I agreed with her.

I guess I’d been doing it without realizing it. I think it’s something I’ve always done, actually.

The way you do it is impressive and it’s a good skill to have, she said.

I told her I think it’s important to be able to do it and something I try hard at. I take communication seriously and I try to show as much respect as I can to others. To me, a great way to show respect to another person is to be mindful of their time. Effective communication is a great way to appreciate another person’s time.

I never intend to change who I am, what I believe in, or what I value when I’m essentially trying to mimic the communication style of the person I’m communicating with. Rather, it’s my intention to make myself as much as I can like the person or group I’m communicating with so I can understand as best I can how they feel. The more I can identify with the way another person or group is feeling, the better chance I have at developing a positive relationship with them.

And, I, not unlike my dad and everyone else on earth, will take as many positive relationships as I can get.

My dad gets credit for being an excellent businessman, which I believe is deserved.

And while that credit is due, I think he deserves just as much credit for being a brilliant communicator.

It might be the reason he’s enjoyed as much business success as he has.