Turn your life around by leaving your family’s business.

I must give full credit to culinarycues blog for this post. I took the template he used for cooks to turn their lives around and adapted it to my needs for discussing family business. If you have interest in reading the thoughts of a chef who has been cooking and teaching for more than three decades, give his blog a follow!

But if you’re more interested in what I think you should do before you leave your family’s business, continue reading.

Before we do that, I shall make this disclaimer: this post will do nothing for the family member in the family business who is content with a paycheck and a place to spend a few hours each day. I know people like you. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with you. However, I can assure you, none of what I wrote will resonate.

Alternatively, if you’re like me, and know that there is more to life than being born into a family business and being satisfied with it for your entire life, these tips will help you define your own legacy and help you mold an identity outside of the family business.

I must warn you that this journey isn’t for those without will. If your family business is more or less all you’ve ever known, leaving will test you. It will unearth parts of you that you never knew existed. Or, more likely, forgot about.

With that said, departing my family’s business in search of myself has been the most rewarding trek I’ve ever embarked upon. I grew up believing I’d spend my entire life working in my family’s business because that’s what everyone I looked up to told me I should do.

I’ve now been away from that business for over two years and I’ve grown and developed in ways I’d only dreamt of.

I only wish I would’ve done it sooner. 

But I didn’t. So now I’m going to tell you what I wish someone would’ve told me.

Let's get started, shall we?

1. Be positive.

Anything worth having begins with a positive attitude. The situation you’re in with your family business might feel dismal now but a negative attitude has never solved any problems. Rather, take inventory of all of the benefits your family’s business has afforded you and think about how great you’ll feel once you’ve made a successful exit. Chances are, if you’re like me, you’ve been exposed to many opportunities and responsibilities that you never could’ve gotten elsewhere. Think of them less as burdens and more like privileges. This will help you take something valuable away that you can use in the future, regardless of what you decide to pursue outside of the business.

2. Invest in yourself.

Self-improvement is the key to finding the confidence to exit the family business. Many who’ve found themselves stuck in a family business lack the confidence required to find another opportunity outside it. Read more, take classes, listen to podcasts, and model behaviors after your mentors in order to make yourself feel like someone who deserves more than the situation you’re in right now. 

3. Be a team player/leader.

If you hope to exit the business successfully, you’ll need to demonstrate the basic ability to work with others. And if you have any hope at success outside of the family business, you’ll need to treat others with respect and integrity. Obviously, you should already be doing this. If you’re not, you’re a prick and I hope you’re experiencing the feeling of a debilitating hangover as you read this. Treating people well is vital. This is especially so once you leave the family business and people don’t have to pretend to be nice to you just cause daddy owns the business. Once you leave the family business, no one gives a shit who you are. Better figure out how to get the respect of others.

4. Define your benchmarks. 

Being a family member trying to navigate the departure of a family business can be complex. Overwhelming, too. Learn to identify markers along the way to measure your success. The process will take a long time and it’s difficult. These factors coupled can make the idea of never leaving an attractive one. This is why it’s important to set a timeline for the moves you’d like to make and evaluate your progress. For example, if you know you need to have a difficult conversation with an important person, set the goal, timeline, hold yourself accountable, and reward yourself for your progress. This can make the overall experience tolerable.

5. Learn before you leave. 

Maybe you’ve spent much of your time working in your family’s business without ever learning any real skills or having any real responsibilities. I know quite a few people that have found themselves in that position. The longer you stay in a position where you have no responsibility and aren’t forced to develop, the less marketable you will be when you finally decide to depart. Instead, focus on parts of the family business that do interest you and learn as much about them as you can. 

6. Exercise introspection.

A detrimental element about working as a family member in a family business is that you don’t get honest feedback. Other employees refrain from providing actual feedback for fear of retaliation and family members avoid giving honest feedback for a myriad of reasons. This is why it’s up to you to take a look at yourself in the mirror and evaluate your own shortcomings. Be honest with yourself, where you’re at, where you want to go and what you think it’ll take to get there. Again, not easy in the short term but it makes it easier in the long term.

7. Find a mentor. Be a mentor.

I’m a proud person. Often to a fault. I avoided seeking help in exiting the family business for much longer than I should have because of my pointless and overinflated hubris. Had I sought someone to help me make the changes I wanted earlier, I might be much further along in my life outside the family business now. I manage a taco shop, for you nosy little bastards who are wondering. Talking to someone who has either gone through it or helps people manage the process professionally can be a favorable resource. It also helps you feel a little less crazy (I thought I was fucking nuts for the longest time!). Once you’ve started your own journey, it can be helpful to become a mentor for others struggling with the same thing. It can help you clarify your thinking, avoid blindspots in your own process, and feel good to help others. 

8. Know that fulfillment awaits. 

You want to change because you know the situation you’re in now isn’t as good as it could be. You know you aren’t living up to your potential. And some part of you knows that by working in the cozy insular environment of the family business, you’re avoiding all of the real life risk that exists outside the family business. Put differently, it’s comfortable. Unfortunately, fulfillment never came from comfortable situations. You must test yourself against the competition of the real world. I can assure you, it feels great.

9. Maintain balance. 

It is possible to depart the family business without burning everything to the ground on the way out. Be open, honest, and vulnerable when sharing your desire to leave the family business. It may not be a seamless transition at first, but it does get better. You’ll find that your relationship with your family members will grown and change once you leave. Not always the way you think they will but the way they had to.

10. Connect.

Make meaningful connections with all aspects of the business. For example, if you work for a family restaurant, make conversation with the produce delivery driver. It may turn out that you want to take your first step outside of the family business with his/her company. Having a good relationship with that person will make asking for a job that much better. Get creative with where you can network and connect with people as an extension of your family business. You’ll be amazed just how many connections you’ve taken for granted. 

11. Respect others. 

This should be a given. See #3.

12. Raise the bar.

Understand that you’ll have many challenges outside the family business. Welcome those challenges to become a better professional and a better person. It’s going to be difficult in ways you can’t yet imagine. I can’t sugarcoat it for you. It will. But accepting the challenge is half the battle. You’re capable of more than you’re giving yourself credit for.

13. Always be in search of excellence. 

At each chance you get, show up as your highest and best self. You cannot expect to avoid putting in effort in the family business and then automatically expect to be a rockstar once you leave. Make it a point to improve upon yourself now knowing that perfection doesn’t exist but you can get pretty close if you work hard enough at it. 

Believe in yourself, put your heart into the journey, and enjoy all of the ups and the downs. There will be plenty. But, in the end, that’s all it’s really about anyway.

So don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and see how the universe rewards you.

Thanks again to culinarycues blog for always sharing his spectacular ideas and writing!