Resentment in relationships.

A relationship.

An agreement between two parties to act in each other’s best interest.

For a relationship to exist, this agreement must be apparent to both interested parties. 

An agreement means both parties have expectations of one another that must be met. 

Adhering to these expectations ensures the ongoing harmony of the relationship.

Each party can enjoy a fulfilling relationship as long as these conditions continue to be met.

Trouble, however, lies where one party feels the other party is ignoring one or more of the agreed upon expectations. 

For example, let’s imagine a marriage between a husband and wife.

If, in this marriage, it’s agreed upon that the husband will mow the lawn every saturday morning, yet he neglects this responsibility repeatedly, the wife will begin to resent the husband. Resentment will grow, along with the grass, the more often this ignorance occurs. 

Along with resentment, the wife will begin to dislike the husband. The husband will notice the dislike and potentially be unaware of the origin. These emotions will spill into other areas of life until addressed.

Here is one solution to the problem: the wife can request a discussion with the husband and communicate her discontent. It is possible that the husband is unaware of the expectation that the wife has of him. It is also possible that the husband has a logical reason for avoiding the lawnmowing. Maybe he has an injury his wife is unaware of and mowing the grass makes it worse. There are countless reasons he may be avoiding his responsibility. The wife can make a genuine attempt to understand the reason, if it exists. Together, both parties can devise a new plan and expectation to get the grass mowed. 

If, after both parties are clear about expectations, and responsibilities continue to be ignored, further action must be taken. 

Otherwise resentment will continue to grow and ultimately destroy the relationship. 

In a relationship, there is no way to avoid resentment without fully understanding what both parties expect to give and get. 

Furthermore, both parties must commit to their responsibilities to maintain a fully functional relationship.