Some People’s Anxiety.

I approached the woman sitting at the bar and asked what she’d have to drink. Scanning the menu from top to bottom, indcesively, she replied “I’ll take a… uhh… skinny marg.” 

I grabbed the shaker, filled it with ice then the alcohol. 

I set her drink on the napkin in front of her and asked her about food.

“I will but I’m waiting for someone else to arrive. Thank you,” she said. 

“No problem. Let me know if I can get you anything in the meantime.”

I continued my work behind the bar and glanced her way every so often to make sure she was taken care of.  

“The person you’re meeting knows you’re at this location, right?” I asked.

“Yes. I’m pretty sure,” she replied.

“Just making sure. We have two locations so sometimes it can be confusing,” I said.

“I bet. That’s not the case here. I’m just a little early.”

Some time passed and I interrupted the silence with an observation. 

“That’s a lost art these days.”

“Uhh.. what do you mean?” she responded. 

“Showing up early,” I said, “no one’s ever early anymore.” 

If she had any guard up while sitting there at the bar, she let it down.

“Well, when you have anxiety like I do, it’s the only way you can enjoy going out in public. I try to show up early for everything because I never know what the situation will be. I need to know who will be there. I need to know where I’ll sit. I need to know what’s on the menu. I need to know all of it in order to enjoy myself.”

“Sounds rough,” I replied, “I’d hate to have to think about all of that.” 

“Must be nice to live without anxiety,” she said. 

I laughed.

“I get anxious. I guess mine just manifests itself in other ways,” I said. 

She grabbed her phone and began scrolling her instagram feed. I returned to washing the glassware behind the bar.  

A few minutes later I returned to check on her. 

“Need anything?” I asked. 

“Not right now. Thank you.” 

Then I said, “I guess I wonder what’s making you so anxious about being out in public? Like how is worrying about it all going to make it any different?”

“That’s actually a good question… I haven’t always been this way. I guess as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more aware of how unsafe the world is. Or maybe I’m more concerned with my safety. The world is dangerous, you know.”

“I get it. I don’t have to think about it as often as you probably do because I’m a guy but you’re right it can be dangerous. For example, my sister won’t even go to a gas station when it’s dark out for fear that something might happen to her. I don’t worry about things like that.”

“See!”

“I know. I’m lucky that I don’t have to think about those things. Maybe I’m not aware of how lucky I am. I’m grateful that I don’t have to think about stuff like that.”

“What makes you anxious then?” she asked.

As I started to analyze what in my life makes me feel most anxious, a gentleman walked in and stood beside her. I couldn’t tell what kind of meeting this was. Were they dating? Were they friends? Was it a business meeting? He forced a smile at me then wrapped his left arm around her right shoulder before taking a seat. 

They spent the next hour and a half chatting and staring into each other’s eyes. 

Each ordered one margarita and some food. 

When they were done, they paid separately.

A few minutes after they left and I was standing at the cash register closing out their checks, I overheard my coworker talking to another coworker.

“Check these two out! Someone needs to get them a room!” he shouted. 

I stretched my neck around the doorframe and looked outside. 

The woman and the man were kissing. Kissing hard and right in the middle of the sidewalk in broad daylight. Not a quick kiss either. A cinematic kiss for everyone to see. 

Feeling anxious for them, I checked back a few minutes later and learned they were gone. 

Good for them, I thought.

I guess some people’s anxiety manifests itself in different ways.